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Weekender

Don't worry, your job will still be there on Monday. Time for The Weekender!

Posted by James Cartwright,

If The Weekender had a hammer, he’d hammer in the morning, he’d hammer in the evening, he’d hammer out danger, he’d hammer out a warning, between his brothers and his sisters all over this land. But The Weekender has made some questionable financial investments at the recommendation of some shady mobsters and now he doesn’t have a hammer at all. In fact The Weekender doesn’t have anything anymore (thanks bailiffs!) except an internet connection and a knackered Dell laptop that he uses to scour the web for all sorts of hilarious jollity. Want to see what he’s found this week? Yeah you do. Course you do. There’s literally nothing else better to spend your time on right now…

Best of the site

Big week this week team, loads of good things for you to wrap your eyes around, like these Mad Max meets Stand By Me shots of freight train hitchhikers from the incredible Mike Brodie, a NES-style gaming adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s literary peak and Rafaël Rozendaal’s latest website that lets you play God with the weather.

Best of Best of the Web

Sometimes we worry that Best of the Web feels neglected sat at the bottom of our homepage; all sad and alone. But then we remember it’s got all this great stuff to read – photo essays about socks from Port, management lessons from AC/DC courtesy of Wired, and Buzzfeed’s account of Facebook’s mid-life crisis – so it probably just wants to be left alone with all that wonderful knowledge.

Best of the rest

This week Creative Review took a look at a storage unit that we can’t quite believe actually exists, Dezeen showed us a stunning set of furniture created from translucent resin and Pitchfork caught up with musical mischief-maker and creative champ Devendra Banhart ahead of his new album. Great work everyone else!

Tweet of the week

“When is rimming and lobster day?”

When indeed @CatieWilkins. Soon, we hope!

SXSW-themed nonsense tumblr of the week

We’ve kept it pretty well-hidden but we’re furiously bitter not to be at South By South West this week. Where was our invite guys? So in a fit of childish jealousy we went searching for material that poked fun at one of the most cutting-edge events of the year in the hope that it would make us feel better. It didn’t, but we did find this hilarious Tumblr of people saying that they’re moving to Austin in a bid to seem progressive. Every cloud.

Sad photos of Kanye West of the week

Look at Kanye West’s stupid sad face. What’s wrong buddy? All that money got you down? Too many people looking for you to be their role model? Struggling to write more lyrics that don’t make any sense? Come here pal, let’s hug this out.

Parody title sequence of the week

If Game of Thrones had been made in 1995 would it have been more appealing than it is now? Yes. Unquestionably.

Darwin appreciation of the week

Evolution’s been pretty good to us humans, generously putting us at the top of the pile so we only occasionally have to worry about threats from tigers, lions and genetically modified birds of prey. But there’s a lot of creatures out there that evolution has basically taken a massive crap on. Pity them, for they know nothing of art and design.

Positive censorship of the week

If you’re like me you probably worry that there’s too many guns in the world, but not enough positive hand gestures to balance them out. Fret not my pacifist friends, there’s a new place for us online where we can right this wrong together.

Armed infants of the week

Conversely, I also worry that there aren’t enough toys featuring armed infants in the world (you too?!) so it was a great relief to find these tasteful creations the other day. Phew!

If anyone asks, you haven’t seen me, alright?

Jc

Posted by James Cartwright

James started out as an intern in 2011 and is now one of our two editors. He oversees Printed Pages magazine and content wise has a special interest in graphic design and illustration. He also runs our online shop Company of Parrots and is a regular on our Studio Audience podcast.

Most Recent: Weekender View Archive

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    Not that you need to be quiet for this showstopper; if the Weekender was a film, it’d most likely be the grotesque, just-about-legal but nonetheless strange story of a desert island. It’s lorded over by a tyrannical prince clad from head to toe in purple velvet who was incapable of walking three steps without doing the Macarena. He wouldn’t be the only weirdo on the island though, no sir; he’d be accompanied at all times by an a cappella choir of singing and dancing monkeys who happily joined him in his choreography.

  2. Weekender-list

    Ladies and gentlemen of the world, today our fair isle (Great Britain) is experiencing a HEATWAVE. It’s the prime annual opportunity for us to embody every stereotype better nations have about us; that we drink too much beer (true), that we don’t wear enough clothes (also often true) and that we get burnt at the merest glimpse of the sun (see above.) Whether you’re joining us in partaking in all of the above over a slightly too competitive game of rounders and potentially a BBQ’d sausage, we wish you the best fun. If you’re sitting in a deck chair watching disapprovingly over us, we’re cool with that too. Either way, have THE BEST WEEKEND. Here’s some stuff we liek to get you started.

  3. Weekender-list

    Guess what? It’s your favourite time of week again! It’s time for delicious big breakfasts at your local greasy spoon before a hungover marathon run of The Good Wife. It’s time for sitting on rooftops drinking strawberry flavoured cider and swapping silly stories with your friends. It’s time for doing your washing and having picnics in the park, and it’s time, of course, for this week’s fantastic instalment of the It’s Nice That Weekender. Enjoy!

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    HELLO FRIENDS! Welcome to the weekend, the two days a week you get to reflect on your busy, expensive, boring life, and then numbing it with booze and barbecues. Hey that sounded pretty pessimistic, I’m sorry. What I really meant was “OH SHIT IT’S THE WEEKEND!” It’s time to swim in a lido, call your best friend, watch Take Me Out in bed, play Candy Crush in a hammock, introduce your dog to your friend’s dog. You name it, it’s yours.

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    Hi gang! If you’re reading this you’re probably not at Glastonbury, and neither are we so that makes us friends. We’ve spent our weekend listening to Eminem with the air conditioning on, which is kind of like our own mini festival – right? We often wonder what everyone else listens to at work, as we usually go for a heady mix of Simon and Garfunkel, Rihanna and that Bill Wyman song about him seducing a much younger woman. If you have any suggestions of what else we can listen to, or what you tend to listen to as you punch an Apple keyboard with the blunt ends of your fingertips for money, get in touch.

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    If I could, I’d don a sparkly, silver cape and a severe black bob wig while gazing into a crystal ball à la Mystic Meg to envision what all of you lot are going to get up to this weekend. I like to think I’d spot all manner of illicit affairs, summer solstice-inspired weirdness and wild, finger-forsaking parties.

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    What’s happened today, you ask? Well, a live quail chick has hatched from what was thought to be a chicken’s egg, a Kim Kardashian lookalike has taken over as head of a Mexican drug cartel, a poodle wore trainers and, oh yeah, we brought you our weekly fun-package, the Weekender, with a montage of Leo DiCaprio freaking out and an Mmmbop reference. Life’s just like that though, isn’t it? You’ve got to take the highs with the lows. Can’t you tell me who will still care? No you can’t, ‘cause you don’t know. Yes, let’s get on with it, shall we.

  8. Weekender-list

    Know what the best thing about Fridays is? For the next two days, there’s absolutely no telling what could happen. Unleashed from the shackles of your desk like a tiny young butterfly thrust forth from the loins of its cocoon, there’s as much likelihood that you’re going to hop into your souped-up jeep and bounce your way around your hometown in time to a Nicki Minaj song as there is that you’ll end up stuck at home on Saturday night eating shepherds’ pie with your nan and her next-door neighbour Dorothy. Anything could happen, and we’re here to help you embrace the magic. Whether your fate be in the jeep or the shepherds’ pie, let the Weekender take you there.

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    Hello and welcome, and what a fun week it has been. In the It’s Nice That offices we’ve mainly been eating caramel shortbread, watching goslings eat flowers, drawing pictures for the guy in the cafe down the road and making fun of Printed Pages editor James Cartwright for how he used to be a goth. THEN we found out that it was World Goth Day on Thursday!!! Can you imagine our glee. And so, this week’s Weekender is now 100% goth-themed. Apart from the bits you might have missed, they’re just normal.

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    If Monday afternoons are the squashed spam sandwiches that your mum tucks into your lunchbox and that you physically retch while trying to swallow, then Friday afternoons are the fish and chips that you will continue to eat until the whole damn bag is empty, and you won’t stop short of licking the greasy paper from. (Still with me?)

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    Let me set the scene for you. It’s the summer of 2003, you’re sat out in the park with a WKD blue, your mates are absent-mindedly kicking a ball around and you’re trying to hide the spare cardi that your mum thrust at you before leaving the house in a conveniently-placed nearby bush. It’s not even that cold, anyway. You’re listening to this absolute banger of a song. Altogether now: “So baby gimme that toot toot, lemme give you that beep beep…” Welcome to the Weekender.

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    Welcome, weekenders! What are you doing this time? Going for a nice drive? Going to museums? Or just doing absolutely nothing? If it’s the latter, we’ve prepared a real feast for you below, with video clips and nice articles to get you through the weekend. So get into bed with a bottle of wine, get your laptop on your chest and enjoy this week’s Weekender.

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    You know how eating a pile of fish and chips makes you feel like if someone pushed you over and you fell on a puddle you’d drown? Or how watching scary films makes you feel like you can’t go upstairs? Or gossiping behind someone’s back is really mean but really fun? Well, the Weekender is there to make you feel warm. Not nice warm, uneasy warm. The warm you feel when you run for the bus in a polyester turtleneck, or the warm you feel when you arrive on said bus and sit on a seat to find yourself asking “Is this heated?”