Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared – the series of web shorts created by Becky Sloan and Joe Pelling – has been viewed over 30 million times, spawned countless fan theories, inspired a fashion line, and generally amused and confused anyone who has watched it. Throughout six episodes we have watched the protagonists, known only as Duck, Red Guy and Yellow Guy, learn about time, the internet, healthy eating, love and creativity. Ahead of the final episode we took an opportunity to interview the cast of the show and shoot them in a style worthy of their global superstar status. After wracking our brains for an angle, we found that the questions that needed answering had already been asked, but not answered, in the script of each episode. To sate your curiosity, and probably further confuse things, we asked these questions that have been posed previously by a computer, a lamb chop, a hallucination and the stars themselves.
Where do you live?
Yellow Guy: I live in my house!
Duck: I live in my house.
Red Guy: I just don’t know anymore.
What do you like to eat?
Yellow Guy: Spaghetti!
Red Guy: Well, I’m trying out an all plain foods diet. At the moment its causing a few disturbing side effects but I think just takes a while to get adjusted.
Duck: Pineapple fritters, waffles, miniature pancakes, a chicken picnic, bread lengths and whipped milk.
What is your favourite colour?
Yellow Guy: No!
Red Guy: Medium brown.
Duck: Once in a while.
Do you like cows or goats?
Red Guy: What kind of question is that?
Duck: I’m cold.
Yellow Guy: They will bite me on my mouth?
Do you have brown hair?
Duck: No no no no no no no no no no no no no.
Yellow Guy: Yes.
Red Guy: I pride myself on being fully bald, under all this.
What is your blood type?
Yellow Guy: Inside mainly.
Red Guy: Wide spiral.
What are you allergic to?
Red Guy: Music
Duck: Some string and three hammers.
Yellow Guy: Eggs, wasps, crabs, bats, meat, trees, jets, walnuts, stairs, horses, carpet.
What’s your favourite idea?
Yellow Guy: A big big big big tower and some spoons.
Red Guy: Why do you ask? Why does everyone always ask me that?
Duck: Street magic.
What do you find exciting?
Red Guy: Nothing.
Yellow Guy: Shape of a boat? Shape of a hat?
What happened after the olden days?
Duck: Time! Time! Time! Time!
Yellow Guy: I’m as long as a train?
Red Guy: Oh god, I see what your doing here.
What are you scared of?
Yellow Guy: Eggs, wasps, crabs, bats, meat, trees, jets, walnuts, stairs, horses, carpet, moon ,sky.
Duck: Planet Hollywood.
Red Guy: Owls.
What are your hobbies?
Red Guy: Rock climbing, kite surfing, base jumping, zorbing and whaling.
Duck: Mmm that’s a tricky one. Weaving?
Yellow Guy: To be as tall as the moon!
What is your favourite song?
Red Guy: Anything by Smash Mouth
Duck: Douglas the Silly Train by Zim Spiegleman Jr.
Yellow Guy: Movies is a songs? Movies.
Where do you go on holiday?
Yellow Guy: Up in a big balloon!
Red Guy: Leicester.
Who do you love?
Yellow Guy: Crisps, a fountain, some wizards.
Red Guy: I dunno, Bono?
Duck: Anyone who loves me back.
What is love?
Red Guy: I don’t know.
Yellow Guy: I can’t remember. I think he’s a little baby pigeon.
What do you dream of?
Red Guy: It’s always the same. I am about 10 years old lost in the woods. I can feel something following me, calling out my name, getting closer and closer. I try to scream but nothing comes out. Eventually I wake up from the boredom.
Duck: Dog Leather, all kinds of leather.
Yellow Guy: I dream that my middle is haunted.
Roy, do you have anything to add?
Roy: My silly boy has allowed his eyes to grow arrogant and rude, for this I will take him on a trip to punish land.
This article appears in the SS 2016 issue of Printed Pages available from these stockists